Okay, so I've gotten pretty far on health, and I'm making an action plan that is probably only interesting to me, so I won't take the time to divulge it here. I'll make frequent updates when needed on the health front, but I'm going to let it rest for now. Not to mention, I feel like I've been dragging my feet getting to the next big topic, career.
I know this should be the most exciting part--I have the whole world in front of me and can choose any direction to go in (again)--but, right now, I would rather just skip it and eat chocolate. Why? I don't know....maybe because I feel most lost when it comes to career choices. Maybe because I've been temping for just over two months and, strangely enough, have never been so happy and that scares the shit out of me. Maybe because I feel like nothing out there fits and nothing ever will so why try. Maybe because I feel profoundly disappointed in the "real world," and I want to return it and get my money back.
Well, whatever my psychosis is, I've got to get on with it. I told myself I would figure it out, so dammit, that's what I'm doing.
Employment History
I was raised upper-middle class, had a good education, went to a top fifty school, got a BA in Communications with a Minor in Theatre, and left undergrad wanting to go into Theatre Administration and do a little acting and backstage work on the side. I got married the week after I graduated, and my husband (who graduated with me) immediately started the Teach for America program, which sent us to Charlotte, North Carolina for our first two years out of school. Now, Charlotte is not exactly fertile ground for the arts, so theatre work was pretty slim. But I managed, and ended up getting a lot of good stage management gigs. I waited tables or worked retail to fill in the gaps.
Knowing we wanted to move to a more vibrant theatre town, we chose Chicago as our next destination. After John finished his commitment with TFA, we trucked up to the Windy City for the next phase of life, and I landed a job at a small, but nationally-renowned theatre company as an administrative assistant to the education department. In less than a year, I got promoted to a director position, which I stuck with for 3 more years before calling it quits. While I try to figure out what the next phase will be, I've been temping full-time as an Executive Assistant at a construction company.
Personality History
While in school, I never had trouble with any subject, always took advanced classes and just floated on by without much trouble. I've never been a particularly competitive person, so I didn't concern myself with grades or class rankings or anything, and I was frankly lazy when it came to schoolwork. I just never had to work all that hard, and did just enough to get me a solid A minus/B plus average. I spent all my energy on extracurriculars, never really in the classroom. I'm not particularly proud of that part of my history.
Strangely enough, I've always been a curious person, and fascinated with many subjects, but I think it was just that academia never suited me. I was that prick of a kid who would ask, "What's the point?" if something didn't challenge me enough or pique my interest or make any logical sense whatsoever. For instance, I got into National Honors Society, which, in order to get in, you have to have a proven record of extracurricular leadership and community service and all sorts of bullshit. Once we were in (what an honor!), they then told us we had to spend ungodly amounts of time doing community service within a very rigid structure and only at places that they chose. The effect was that either a) students had to go crazy and have ridiculously stressful schedules trying to fulfill all the requirements or b) would have to drop or severely cut back on the things that got them into the damn society in order to stay in the damn society. And for what? The honor of being a member? It looks good on your resume? Pa-lease! How POINTLESS could you be? No thank you. I dropped it like a hot potato and wrote a letter expressing my...umm..."disapproval." I had better things to do with my time (like all the reasons they wanted me in it in the first place).
I haven't changed a whole lot. In fact, some version of this story has happened at every stage of my life so far. I don't like to play games in order to get some kind of label or award or privilege or promotion. I don't like things that seem pointless or self-perpetuating or dishonest. I will always call into question something's purpose or ethics or paradigm. I don't dance for anyone.
If you want to be a success in life, don't be like me. For one, a lot of people in power really don't like this quality. After all, they rose to the top under this logic, of course they think it works! But I can't help it-- I just can't buy into it. I get what the rules are; theoretically, I could play by them. They just seems so utterly pointless to me. It's like there is a part of my brain that just cannot compute WHY I should care about the National Honors Society. And that's the thing, if people don't care about it, if they don't buy into the NHS's of the world, then those entities no longer have any purpose or meaning: they would probably cease to exist. But, sigh, most people do. Or, they just roll their eyes and say, "Oh Caroline, we all know that it's pointless...but that's just the way things are. You just have to go along with it."
Well, realization number 2 of my 29th year--I'm just never going to go along with it.
So what now?
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