They want to hire me.
That means I have a job.
For real.
It really hasn't sunk in yet.
I won't let it sink in either. The job is coming with conditions, so I'm really wary of letting myself get too excited yet.
They want me to start Thursday. As in three days from now. But, there's a catch: it's temp-to-perm. I have to audition first before they'll hire me on full-time. So, I'm not breaking open the champagne yet, but I will definitely indulge in a margarita.
Still, I'm a good worker. All my past employers have loved me, even (randomly) the person I'm assisting right now. She told me today she wished she had had me starting two years ago. Really? I sit around and with nothing to do all day, but I do it better than most people? Okay. Whatever.
Honestly, I'm kind of glad it's temp-to-perm. The man I will be assisting claims he is a huge diva and a difficult personality. He told me he thinks he's Meryl Streep in The Devel Wears Prada. From what I gather, he's not actually this way (like, in the fact that he has the sense of humor to say that about himself), but with temp-to-perm, at least it's easier for me to walk away if he is.
I'm actually expecting us to get along really well. We clicked in the interview, and it seemed like we would get along. Everyone else in the office told me (in my previous interviews) that they just laugh at his Prada analogy--he's actually really sweet, just a bit....well...gay. And picky.
I can deal with gay, picky divas. Did I mention I come from a theatre background?
As long as he doesn't demean me or assume I lack intelligence, I can handle pretty much anything. It seems like he just wants someone smart.
I can do smart.
But I'm not counting my chickens. I'm trying to see if I can get my interview at Northwestern moved to the following week. Hedging my bets. Just in case.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Strange and Exciting Start to the Week
Last week, I mentioned a job for which I went through three interviews that I did not get. They loved me, they said they were really torn between me and another guy, and the reason they didn't choose me was that my title led them to believe that I would not be content taking a "step down" to an Assistant position coming from a Director position. This job became known as "The One That Got Away," which I laughingly referred to it as with the staffing agency that sent my name in for the job. It seemed so perfect--it was in the arts, the people seemed really great, it had great pay and benefits, they were about to move into a gorgeous Michigan Avenue office, and I might have gotten the chance to travel to France on the rare occasion--HOW PERFECT IS THAT. And yet chance just did not work in my favor.
Well...I got an interesting email yesterday afternoon from my staffing agency.
The guy they hired apparently is having to leave at the end of the week to go take care of his sick mother. There are a lot of details I don't know, and that the staffing agency didn't know, but they were going to talk it over with the company today and see if they wanted to just go with me since I'm still available. Though I hate the idea of good things coming to me because someone else is suffering, I can't help but get excited. Could I really get this job after all this time? Could "The One That Got Away" really come back so easily? I have to stop getting my hopes up too high.
I did not sleep well last night.
And, to make things even better, after I got into work this morning and settled down at my desk to do nothing but listen to all my stockpile of weekend NPR shows, I got another email. One of the college jobs I applied to at Northwestern got back to me. They want an interview next week :)
Well...I got an interesting email yesterday afternoon from my staffing agency.
The guy they hired apparently is having to leave at the end of the week to go take care of his sick mother. There are a lot of details I don't know, and that the staffing agency didn't know, but they were going to talk it over with the company today and see if they wanted to just go with me since I'm still available. Though I hate the idea of good things coming to me because someone else is suffering, I can't help but get excited. Could I really get this job after all this time? Could "The One That Got Away" really come back so easily? I have to stop getting my hopes up too high.
I did not sleep well last night.
And, to make things even better, after I got into work this morning and settled down at my desk to do nothing but listen to all my stockpile of weekend NPR shows, I got another email. One of the college jobs I applied to at Northwestern got back to me. They want an interview next week :)
Friday, February 18, 2011
The Job Search: Challenges
I admit, I haven't been nearly as diligent about job searching as I should have been. I was REALLY good about it for a while, treating it like a full-time job, and then when I found out my temp job would be going on through the end of March, I got a little lazy. I still did some searching, still applied to jobs here and there, but I wasn't making it an every day, number one top priority.
That changed this week. I am making it the first thing I do every day. I am setting clear goals and plans to get over my particular challenges in this job market. I am going to make it happen.
So first, what challenges do I KNOW I face?
1) This job market sucks. The shear number of people applying for jobs that are posted online is so astronomical, I think the chance of getting a cover letter and resume read is really slim. How do I work around this?
2) My work experience is in Arts Administration. How do I convince employers in other industries that my work and skills are transferable without sounding delusional or desperate? How many people are not even looking at my cover letter or choosing to throw me in the No pile simply because I am coming from the arts?
3) My last job title was Director of Educational Programming at a theatre. As I mentioned yesterday, I am not in any way qualified to be a Director of Educational Programming in any other setting than the one I happened to fall into, except maybe theatre (which doesn't matter because the chance of that job opening up at a theatre in this economy is probably worse than winning the lottery). Will it look like I'm wishy-washy, or don't know what I want, if I apply for a job that doesn't look like it resembles my last one?
4) I've been "unemployed" for almost 7 months now. I mean, not really, I've been temping. But employers now are being really adamant about showing a "stable" work history. Though my last job was definitely stable, and I am most certainly looking for a stable, long-term position, will my current temping look really bad on paper?
5) My "presentation" could use a little work. What do I mean by this? Well, frankly, I mean my looks. As I have been living on the super cheap lately, that means I have not spent a dime--and I mean a dime--on clothes, hair, or makeup in a loooong time. The clothes that I do have are starting to look more and more worn, my hair "style" no longer deserves that name, and the only makeup I currently own is between five and fifteen years old (since I never wear it, it just sticks around collecting dust--whatevs). To those who have known me a long time, this comes as no surprise I'm sure. Maybe an eye-rolling (yet lovable?) "Oh Caroline" may be sighed for me as you read this. I've never been good about caring about whether or not my pants end up in shreds on the bottom because I never got them hemmed. Fashion is just that thing that alludes me--something that came much more naturally when I was younger than it does now, when looking put-together and professional didn't matter nearly as much as looking cool and casual.
No, I have hit an all-time low in all things "looks" related. And, though I hate to admit it, looks matter when trying to get a job. Not so much looking cute or sexy, but looking ready for work--looking like an ideal worker on the outside (organized, competent, professional). I've never looked this way in my whole life! ::Sigh:: Before my next interview, I'm going to have to do a little personal make-over. Most women would probably squeal with delight at the thought, but it just intimidates the shit out of me. I feel like I need a consultant. I'm seriously about to turn myself in to Stacy and Clinton.
That changed this week. I am making it the first thing I do every day. I am setting clear goals and plans to get over my particular challenges in this job market. I am going to make it happen.
So first, what challenges do I KNOW I face?
1) This job market sucks. The shear number of people applying for jobs that are posted online is so astronomical, I think the chance of getting a cover letter and resume read is really slim. How do I work around this?
2) My work experience is in Arts Administration. How do I convince employers in other industries that my work and skills are transferable without sounding delusional or desperate? How many people are not even looking at my cover letter or choosing to throw me in the No pile simply because I am coming from the arts?
3) My last job title was Director of Educational Programming at a theatre. As I mentioned yesterday, I am not in any way qualified to be a Director of Educational Programming in any other setting than the one I happened to fall into, except maybe theatre (which doesn't matter because the chance of that job opening up at a theatre in this economy is probably worse than winning the lottery). Will it look like I'm wishy-washy, or don't know what I want, if I apply for a job that doesn't look like it resembles my last one?
4) I've been "unemployed" for almost 7 months now. I mean, not really, I've been temping. But employers now are being really adamant about showing a "stable" work history. Though my last job was definitely stable, and I am most certainly looking for a stable, long-term position, will my current temping look really bad on paper?
5) My "presentation" could use a little work. What do I mean by this? Well, frankly, I mean my looks. As I have been living on the super cheap lately, that means I have not spent a dime--and I mean a dime--on clothes, hair, or makeup in a loooong time. The clothes that I do have are starting to look more and more worn, my hair "style" no longer deserves that name, and the only makeup I currently own is between five and fifteen years old (since I never wear it, it just sticks around collecting dust--whatevs). To those who have known me a long time, this comes as no surprise I'm sure. Maybe an eye-rolling (yet lovable?) "Oh Caroline" may be sighed for me as you read this. I've never been good about caring about whether or not my pants end up in shreds on the bottom because I never got them hemmed. Fashion is just that thing that alludes me--something that came much more naturally when I was younger than it does now, when looking put-together and professional didn't matter nearly as much as looking cool and casual.
No, I have hit an all-time low in all things "looks" related. And, though I hate to admit it, looks matter when trying to get a job. Not so much looking cute or sexy, but looking ready for work--looking like an ideal worker on the outside (organized, competent, professional). I've never looked this way in my whole life! ::Sigh:: Before my next interview, I'm going to have to do a little personal make-over. Most women would probably squeal with delight at the thought, but it just intimidates the shit out of me. I feel like I need a consultant. I'm seriously about to turn myself in to Stacy and Clinton.
Oh, How Sadly True....
Oh The Places You'll Actually Go
Disappointment with the real world. It never ends, does it?
Disappointment with the real world. It never ends, does it?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Colleges and Universities
One career trajectory I've been thinking of is working for the administration at a college or university. The more I think about it, the more I think it would fit my situation really well right now. Here are some reasons I think I might enjoy it....
1) Good pay + excellent benefits + stable industry + room for growth = YES PLEASE
2) Since I believe I will want to one day own my own business, I can take advantage of tuition discounts and classes that I think might be helpful for my future plans.
3) I like to learn. I'm not necessarily a good "traditional" learner and never really felt like I fit in with academia, but I like academic people a lot. I would love to be around people who value education and continual learning. People probably wouldn't think I was off my rocker if I wanted to take a diversity of classes out of curiosity, they just might think I'm a little weird if it didn't lead to a specific degree or certification. I'm cool with that.
4) There is a lot of opportunity for movement within the same organization but for different career objectives. For instance, if I decide in two years that I really want to go more into the business end of things, I can transfer to a financial office or to a business school. If I decide I desperately miss the arts, I can move into an arts department. If I want to network for a next job, I can start helping with alumni relations or events.
5) My most recent job title was as a Director of Educational Programming. T'ain't too many industries I can find a job in where this title a) makes sense, b) wouldn't turn people off or put me directly into a "No" pile, and c) would be respected and get me a pretty decent job. But at a college--it could be golden.
Context: I probably going to have to take a "step down" in title (which is realistically the only thing I am qualified to do). The problem with my old title is that, in any context other than the one I just came from, I would never be qualified for a job with the same title (unless we are talking about specific theatre jobs that there are maybe ten or twenty of in the whole United States...not holding my breath for these)--I'm just completely unqualified for what this title implies I'm qualified to do in another industry. I can't create curriculum, I have little teaching experience, and I don't have an education background. I was an administrator, plain and simple--a human resources generalist/office manager/marketing director/event planner/master scheduler/trash emptier. Essentially, I was an Specialized Office Manager. The result- most employers assume I'm way overqualified for jobs that are actually right on the money for me. For instance, I made it through three interviews at one job that boiled down to me and one other candidate. When they couldn't make up their mind, they went with the other person because they had the same title in their previous job (an "assistant" position), and they thought since I was coming from being a "Director" I would keep looking for a job until I got another "Director" position and wouldn't be content with something titled "Assistant". Keep in mind that this job was in the arts, was essentially the same job I came from, paid a full third more than my last job and had better benefits. Do I care about the freaking title? NO. But, it seems employers do. I'm hoping that a college or university would be willing to see this as an asset, and understand that moving around to a different job in a similar industry isn't crazy, but normal.
6) There tends to be a lot of turn-over, and therefore a lot of new jobs opening up. Chances seem pretty good (relative to the arts anyway).
So that's the idea. I started applying to some of these jobs this week, and I'm going to continue to apply to basically every college job in the Chicago area for which I'm qualified. I'm hoping to have the bulk of that done within a week, and then just have the regular check-in after that. Once I get a firm end date for this temp job, I'm going to try and get some temp work at a university as well (apparently they all have temp departments now that also do temp-to-hire work). Maybe that can get me some connections and a foot in the door?
After that slew of applications, there is one other industry I think I'm going to also concentrate my efforts on after, but more on that tomorrow :)
1) Good pay + excellent benefits + stable industry + room for growth = YES PLEASE
2) Since I believe I will want to one day own my own business, I can take advantage of tuition discounts and classes that I think might be helpful for my future plans.
3) I like to learn. I'm not necessarily a good "traditional" learner and never really felt like I fit in with academia, but I like academic people a lot. I would love to be around people who value education and continual learning. People probably wouldn't think I was off my rocker if I wanted to take a diversity of classes out of curiosity, they just might think I'm a little weird if it didn't lead to a specific degree or certification. I'm cool with that.
4) There is a lot of opportunity for movement within the same organization but for different career objectives. For instance, if I decide in two years that I really want to go more into the business end of things, I can transfer to a financial office or to a business school. If I decide I desperately miss the arts, I can move into an arts department. If I want to network for a next job, I can start helping with alumni relations or events.
5) My most recent job title was as a Director of Educational Programming. T'ain't too many industries I can find a job in where this title a) makes sense, b) wouldn't turn people off or put me directly into a "No" pile, and c) would be respected and get me a pretty decent job. But at a college--it could be golden.
Context: I probably going to have to take a "step down" in title (which is realistically the only thing I am qualified to do). The problem with my old title is that, in any context other than the one I just came from, I would never be qualified for a job with the same title (unless we are talking about specific theatre jobs that there are maybe ten or twenty of in the whole United States...not holding my breath for these)--I'm just completely unqualified for what this title implies I'm qualified to do in another industry. I can't create curriculum, I have little teaching experience, and I don't have an education background. I was an administrator, plain and simple--a human resources generalist/office manager/marketing director/event planner/master scheduler/trash emptier. Essentially, I was an Specialized Office Manager. The result- most employers assume I'm way overqualified for jobs that are actually right on the money for me. For instance, I made it through three interviews at one job that boiled down to me and one other candidate. When they couldn't make up their mind, they went with the other person because they had the same title in their previous job (an "assistant" position), and they thought since I was coming from being a "Director" I would keep looking for a job until I got another "Director" position and wouldn't be content with something titled "Assistant". Keep in mind that this job was in the arts, was essentially the same job I came from, paid a full third more than my last job and had better benefits. Do I care about the freaking title? NO. But, it seems employers do. I'm hoping that a college or university would be willing to see this as an asset, and understand that moving around to a different job in a similar industry isn't crazy, but normal.
6) There tends to be a lot of turn-over, and therefore a lot of new jobs opening up. Chances seem pretty good (relative to the arts anyway).
So that's the idea. I started applying to some of these jobs this week, and I'm going to continue to apply to basically every college job in the Chicago area for which I'm qualified. I'm hoping to have the bulk of that done within a week, and then just have the regular check-in after that. Once I get a firm end date for this temp job, I'm going to try and get some temp work at a university as well (apparently they all have temp departments now that also do temp-to-hire work). Maybe that can get me some connections and a foot in the door?
After that slew of applications, there is one other industry I think I'm going to also concentrate my efforts on after, but more on that tomorrow :)
Monday, February 14, 2011
Job Searching
O, job searching. It just makes me want to sigh. Clearly, I can't stay in my Dead-End Job forever, nor do I want to. I know full well that the only reason I am enjoying myself now is because I feel like I'm on a vacation, and even I don't want to be on vacation forever.
Also, Dead-End Job or not, I believe that (when using a rather liberal definition of work) pretty much everyone wants to work: whether it's through a traditional job or hobbies or charity work or raising kids, people need to feel useful and productive. I know I do.
That, and the job's ending in six weeks.
Thankfully I have been using this respite from the real world to my advantage, and looking long and hard at what I want my new career trajectory to be. It's very difficult for someone like me to figure out what I want to do for a second career. (Yes, I am 29 and starting a second career. Doesn't seem right, does it?) I've gotten over the fear of the unknown and the vast quantity of directions in which I can go (mostly by looking so hard I realize I don't actually have THAT many directions), but that doesn't necessarily make it any easier. After the fear, it just became "Hmph. Now what?"
"Now What?" has turned into a lot of career books and online advice and research. I'm not there yet, but I have come up with these two tidbits so far.
1) I eventually want to work for myself, just not yet. I know that I probably will not feel like I've lived my life completely unless I have started my own business (or non-profit). I'm just not there yet. Not only do I not have enough experience or capital to start any kind of endeavor now, I also haven't settled on what it will be. I have a running list of options, and each day it feels like I place a different one at the top of the list. Until there is one that firmly sets itself as the obvious choice for a long stretch of time, I don't want to dive into something that monetarily or emotionally costly. I think I can safely say that I probably won't be at this point for at least another five years. Until then, I would like a job that doesn't suck and pays me enough to be able to save for said future endeavor.
2) I need something I like enough to stay put and be content if the going gets tough. I really know too many people who got stuck in a job. Out of sheer dumb luck, they got stuck with a sick family member, an oopsy-daisy baby or two, a boatload of debt, or a costly house repair. Even though they had all kinds of dreamy plans, those got shelved for the practical needs of putting food on the table, paying the medical bills, and staying on top of the mortgage. I would love to think that there is no way my life could ever go in such a direction, but I also think it's best to play it safe for the just-in-cases in life. I want whatever trajectory I'm on to be a tract I can stay on if the shit goes down and I can't be mobile in my career anymore. And that means a kind of work I am content in. Maybe my new business will be just a side hobby for a while, but at least my children won't go hungry.
Hopefully more revelations will be coming soon...
Also, Dead-End Job or not, I believe that (when using a rather liberal definition of work) pretty much everyone wants to work: whether it's through a traditional job or hobbies or charity work or raising kids, people need to feel useful and productive. I know I do.
That, and the job's ending in six weeks.
Thankfully I have been using this respite from the real world to my advantage, and looking long and hard at what I want my new career trajectory to be. It's very difficult for someone like me to figure out what I want to do for a second career. (Yes, I am 29 and starting a second career. Doesn't seem right, does it?) I've gotten over the fear of the unknown and the vast quantity of directions in which I can go (mostly by looking so hard I realize I don't actually have THAT many directions), but that doesn't necessarily make it any easier. After the fear, it just became "Hmph. Now what?"
"Now What?" has turned into a lot of career books and online advice and research. I'm not there yet, but I have come up with these two tidbits so far.
1) I eventually want to work for myself, just not yet. I know that I probably will not feel like I've lived my life completely unless I have started my own business (or non-profit). I'm just not there yet. Not only do I not have enough experience or capital to start any kind of endeavor now, I also haven't settled on what it will be. I have a running list of options, and each day it feels like I place a different one at the top of the list. Until there is one that firmly sets itself as the obvious choice for a long stretch of time, I don't want to dive into something that monetarily or emotionally costly. I think I can safely say that I probably won't be at this point for at least another five years. Until then, I would like a job that doesn't suck and pays me enough to be able to save for said future endeavor.
2) I need something I like enough to stay put and be content if the going gets tough. I really know too many people who got stuck in a job. Out of sheer dumb luck, they got stuck with a sick family member, an oopsy-daisy baby or two, a boatload of debt, or a costly house repair. Even though they had all kinds of dreamy plans, those got shelved for the practical needs of putting food on the table, paying the medical bills, and staying on top of the mortgage. I would love to think that there is no way my life could ever go in such a direction, but I also think it's best to play it safe for the just-in-cases in life. I want whatever trajectory I'm on to be a tract I can stay on if the shit goes down and I can't be mobile in my career anymore. And that means a kind of work I am content in. Maybe my new business will be just a side hobby for a while, but at least my children won't go hungry.
Hopefully more revelations will be coming soon...
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
I Love My Dead-End Job
I spent the morning with an ex-colleague of mine from my old theatre job. She has a young daughter, so we sometimes get together and let our kids wander around a playground (or indoor play area) while we talk about trying to have an artistically fulfilling life while also being parents. She's awesome.
We hadn't done a play date in a while, our winter schedules not lining up well, so there was a lot of catching up to do. She's a really great listener (she's an actor and a psychologist, need I say more), and she was asking me about how the post-theatre/temp life is going.
"It's actually going amazing. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life."
Whaaaaaa? Back up. Did I just say that? And mean it?
Yes. Yes I did. I am working a job that conventional wisdom would declare most definitively a dead-end, soulless, paper-pushing job. A job completely lacking in any kind of personal meaning or sense of purpose. Not one drop. And I'm happy.
Temping
Since Thanksgiving, I've been a temporary employee for a development company. I am the "Executive Assistant" to the VP of Construction on a new retail/residential/movie theatre/park community. Since I'm just a temp, know absolutely nothing about the construction/development world, and the project I'm "assisting" is at a stand still as it gets closed out and sold off, I just sit at a desk from 9 - 5.
No really, that's all I do. Sometimes I answer the phone (about three times a day on average and mostly to just say I have no idea what's going on), sometimes the Veep needs a personal errand (like getting the tire replaced on her car), and sometimes I print a few things up and file them away in files that are just going to be thrown away in a few months when the building gets sold. Oh, and everyone once in a while I mail off a check.
My friends think I'm on some candid camera-type show and I don't know it.
Work-Life Meaning
Now, I was raised to believe that Fulfilling Life = Fulfilling Job. They are, or should be, one and the same. One's purpose in life can be found in their job, or what they eventually want to be their job and are working toward. Follow your dreams, you can do anything, build it and they will come, yada yada yada. I don't mean to sound as jaded as that sounds, because that's not really how I feel. It's just that this new dead-end job experience has certainly turned my head.
I'm really happy. Not because of the job--the job gives me nothing but a paycheck and endless hours on the internet. But for the first time in my professional life, I can walk out the door of my job and leave it 100% behind. After I cross that threshold, it does not enter my brain until I cross it again the next day. (I mean, what would I think about? The blank white walls? The copy machine?) This new-found peace of mind means I can devote all my energy to my family, my home, my hobbies, my food, my interests, my health, my quirks, myself. All the little details that I never paid attention to before because I was in a hurry or stressed out or just needed more sleep, I can pay attention to those now. And all those details are what makes me happy right now.
I've become a better cook. We can balance our meager budget and stick to it with relative ease. When I walk in the door and the Toddler is super excited to see me and wants to play at the rate of a million miles a minute, I can just roll with him. I'm more, umm, playful and intimate with my husband. I can think. I can write. I can brainstorm. I can read. I can make all the truly fulfilling things in my life, well, fulfilling.
I realize I do not want a dead-end job permanently. If I knew this job were lasting forever, or it was a concerted career decision gone awry, I would hate it. But right now, I just consider it a huge gift. A beautiful opportunity to try a different kind of life, and find out why it's (surprisingly) not so bad after all.
I know that eventually I will want a job that is more directed, more conscious, more driven. I will want to feel like my brain is contributing an iota of help to form a better world. I will get there, I have no doubt. But this experience has given me patience toward that end. Getting there faster may not be better. I can stop to smell the roses along the way, and that's okay.
And ten years from now I will look back at this Year of Temping and, with an ironic smile on my face, think "Now those were the good ole days."
We hadn't done a play date in a while, our winter schedules not lining up well, so there was a lot of catching up to do. She's a really great listener (she's an actor and a psychologist, need I say more), and she was asking me about how the post-theatre/temp life is going.
"It's actually going amazing. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life."
Whaaaaaa? Back up. Did I just say that? And mean it?
Yes. Yes I did. I am working a job that conventional wisdom would declare most definitively a dead-end, soulless, paper-pushing job. A job completely lacking in any kind of personal meaning or sense of purpose. Not one drop. And I'm happy.
Temping
Since Thanksgiving, I've been a temporary employee for a development company. I am the "Executive Assistant" to the VP of Construction on a new retail/residential/movie theatre/park community. Since I'm just a temp, know absolutely nothing about the construction/development world, and the project I'm "assisting" is at a stand still as it gets closed out and sold off, I just sit at a desk from 9 - 5.
No really, that's all I do. Sometimes I answer the phone (about three times a day on average and mostly to just say I have no idea what's going on), sometimes the Veep needs a personal errand (like getting the tire replaced on her car), and sometimes I print a few things up and file them away in files that are just going to be thrown away in a few months when the building gets sold. Oh, and everyone once in a while I mail off a check.
My friends think I'm on some candid camera-type show and I don't know it.
Work-Life Meaning
Now, I was raised to believe that Fulfilling Life = Fulfilling Job. They are, or should be, one and the same. One's purpose in life can be found in their job, or what they eventually want to be their job and are working toward. Follow your dreams, you can do anything, build it and they will come, yada yada yada. I don't mean to sound as jaded as that sounds, because that's not really how I feel. It's just that this new dead-end job experience has certainly turned my head.
I'm really happy. Not because of the job--the job gives me nothing but a paycheck and endless hours on the internet. But for the first time in my professional life, I can walk out the door of my job and leave it 100% behind. After I cross that threshold, it does not enter my brain until I cross it again the next day. (I mean, what would I think about? The blank white walls? The copy machine?) This new-found peace of mind means I can devote all my energy to my family, my home, my hobbies, my food, my interests, my health, my quirks, myself. All the little details that I never paid attention to before because I was in a hurry or stressed out or just needed more sleep, I can pay attention to those now. And all those details are what makes me happy right now.
I've become a better cook. We can balance our meager budget and stick to it with relative ease. When I walk in the door and the Toddler is super excited to see me and wants to play at the rate of a million miles a minute, I can just roll with him. I'm more, umm, playful and intimate with my husband. I can think. I can write. I can brainstorm. I can read. I can make all the truly fulfilling things in my life, well, fulfilling.
I realize I do not want a dead-end job permanently. If I knew this job were lasting forever, or it was a concerted career decision gone awry, I would hate it. But right now, I just consider it a huge gift. A beautiful opportunity to try a different kind of life, and find out why it's (surprisingly) not so bad after all.
I know that eventually I will want a job that is more directed, more conscious, more driven. I will want to feel like my brain is contributing an iota of help to form a better world. I will get there, I have no doubt. But this experience has given me patience toward that end. Getting there faster may not be better. I can stop to smell the roses along the way, and that's okay.
And ten years from now I will look back at this Year of Temping and, with an ironic smile on my face, think "Now those were the good ole days."
Friday, February 4, 2011
Idea Journal
Back in December, I was given some money as Christmas and birthday gifts. $170 total, which is a whole heck of a lot of money to me these days so I'm not about to go and blow it without some serious thought. $70 I'm setting aside so John and I can make some household improvements (like finally getting something with which to decorate the bare walls of our dining room). The other $100 I've set aside for myself, and have been going back and forth in my head as to what on earth I'm going to do with it. Do I go shopping for (much needed) clothes? Or maybe have a nice dinner at a favorite restaurant? Maybe some new kitchen-y stuff?
There was one thing I knew I wanted to spend it on from the beginning, but it seemed so lame I almost couldn't admit to it. But yesterday I did it: I went out and bought a notebook. That's right, I "splurged"--$6.56 at Target for a really cute stone notebook and three little mini notebooks to carry around in my bag.
I'm calling the stone notebook my Idea Journal. I was so excited about it, I was seriously giddy holding it as I walked out the door.
The Big Idea
You see, I'm a big picture, big idea person with a lot of interests and a lot of creativity. The result is that I often have huge inspirations and absolutely no follow through. I lose focus so easily and so entirely that good ideas just get lost or crowded out by newer ideas that steal my momentary attention. To put it frankly, I become "flighty." Even in just the last year, I can't even begin to list the number of ideas I've had for starting my own business or writing a book or traveling somewhere or doing something crazy.
I realize that 99.9% of my ideas are just that: ideas. They belong out in the ether to die away because nothing ever should come of them. But, because I have never developed a way to think about them in depth or sort through them and organize my thoughts, even the .1% that have a good chance of becoming something die away too. And that is a true shame.
So I bought my stone notebook. I hope whatever I chose to spend the remaining $93.44 on brings me as much happiness.
There was one thing I knew I wanted to spend it on from the beginning, but it seemed so lame I almost couldn't admit to it. But yesterday I did it: I went out and bought a notebook. That's right, I "splurged"--$6.56 at Target for a really cute stone notebook and three little mini notebooks to carry around in my bag.
I'm calling the stone notebook my Idea Journal. I was so excited about it, I was seriously giddy holding it as I walked out the door.
The Big Idea
You see, I'm a big picture, big idea person with a lot of interests and a lot of creativity. The result is that I often have huge inspirations and absolutely no follow through. I lose focus so easily and so entirely that good ideas just get lost or crowded out by newer ideas that steal my momentary attention. To put it frankly, I become "flighty." Even in just the last year, I can't even begin to list the number of ideas I've had for starting my own business or writing a book or traveling somewhere or doing something crazy.
I realize that 99.9% of my ideas are just that: ideas. They belong out in the ether to die away because nothing ever should come of them. But, because I have never developed a way to think about them in depth or sort through them and organize my thoughts, even the .1% that have a good chance of becoming something die away too. And that is a true shame.
So I bought my stone notebook. I hope whatever I chose to spend the remaining $93.44 on brings me as much happiness.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Health Update
Time to check in!
Being Active
On my goals to be more active, I have definitely done very well. Other than the horrible weather, which has kept me indoors a few more times than I would have liked, I have still managed to up the ante on my activity level.
Things I have done in the past few weeks:
-I've made an effort to walk a great deal more (I probably get in about an average of a half-mile or so more a day than I had before.)
-I've taken the stairs whenever possible (though I was disappointed to learn that I cannot take the stairs up to the second floor where my office is--I actually have to take the elevator. Lame.)
-I actually broke into a run on my way to the grocery store the other day, for about a quarter mile. Just for the hell of it. It was strangely really fun!
-I ran up the three flights of steps to get to the train every afternoon (instead of taking the escalator)
-When I go to the grocery store, I always grab a basket instead of a cart (more doable since I haven't had the Toddler with me.) Like I said, it's the little things that I'm hoping will count.
-I've carried home the groceries from work like four time in the past two weeks. Each time, that's over a mile of walking with two heavy grocery bags.
-I've been picking up the Toddler more and more, and getting down on the floor to roll around and play with him. I don't turn him down as often when he wants to be pushed in his wagon (trust me, it's a workout).
All of these thing have definitely added up. I can feel it. They may seem really small, but then I have a day like today where I dragged about 20 pounds worth of groceries over a mile in two feet of snow with a temp of less than 10 degrees, and I am freaking exhausted. And it's all by doing things I would normally do (like grocery shopping), but just doing them the "hard" way. It's kind of nice because I don't bitch as much to myself when things get hard--instead I just shrug and say, "Well, at least it's more active." I figure if I keep just pushing a little bit each day, I will eventually be doing more serious activities. Like, I want to eventually get in shape enough to bike to and from work everyday, but that will take some stamina building to get there.
Nutrition
I've been eating pretty well. I wish I could get in more vegetables right now, but seeing as I'm also trying to eat relatively seasonally too, the veggies are less than prevalent in February in Chicago. Other than that, I've had way less sugar and alcohol and caffeine than normal, and I've been feeling great. And, if I do say so myself, John and I have been freaking awesome about cooking all of our meals at home. The most processed I've had recently has been canned organic soup and organic crackers. Poverty certainly has it's pluses.
Tuning In
I was thrilled to learn that my favorite Integrated Medicine doctor has another book about general women's health. I checked it out of the library and have been reading it and trying to pay a lot more attention to my body. There's some fascinating info on how women's bodies are different at different times of their cycles, and how to pay attention to those changes and make the most of them. Like, apparently women have bursts of energy starting with when their period starts until when they ovulate, and then they become very introspective and tend to get more fatigued or moody or need more sleep until their period begins again. I'll be interested to follow my body's patterns and see if this holds true.
I still have a long way to go to train myself to tune in fully, but at least I know I won't be one of those girls on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, or whatever that show is.
Needs Improvement
I really need to be better about drinking enough water. It's tough when it gets so cold and the air turns so dry--I feel like I'm perpetually thirsty in the winter.
And there are the vegetables.
Am I Healthy?
So far so good! I've had a lot of energy this week, have been sleeping well, and have no glaring issues. All my "measurements" seem to be in good order. [Note: I would weigh in and get my true BMI, but I have a really dumb reason why I can't. See, I weigh myself in on my Wii Fit, but I can't access my Wii right now. We went to a friends house a few weeks ago to watch da Bears, and I took the remote to my tv as a toy for the Toddler for while we were there (otherwise he would want to play with all the other button-filled remotes). Great trick, unless you then forgot it there. And, then that friend goes out of town. And then that friend gets snowed out of town. ::Sigh:: Anyway, we'll be going back to his place for the Super Bowl, so I will be able to get the remote then, and then come home and weigh in to get my BMI.] Until I can get my BMI, my pants are feeling looser, and my body is taking a healthier-looking shape, so I don't really feel a huge need to weigh in.
And, I have also not gotten sick yet this winter (knock on wood, cross fingers, twirl around and spit over left shoulder)! I had a little weird bout of nausea yesterday morning, but I think it was just something I ate because it didn't come to anything. (And NO, I'm not pregnant.)
Being Active
On my goals to be more active, I have definitely done very well. Other than the horrible weather, which has kept me indoors a few more times than I would have liked, I have still managed to up the ante on my activity level.
Things I have done in the past few weeks:
-I've made an effort to walk a great deal more (I probably get in about an average of a half-mile or so more a day than I had before.)
-I've taken the stairs whenever possible (though I was disappointed to learn that I cannot take the stairs up to the second floor where my office is--I actually have to take the elevator. Lame.)
-I actually broke into a run on my way to the grocery store the other day, for about a quarter mile. Just for the hell of it. It was strangely really fun!
-I ran up the three flights of steps to get to the train every afternoon (instead of taking the escalator)
-When I go to the grocery store, I always grab a basket instead of a cart (more doable since I haven't had the Toddler with me.) Like I said, it's the little things that I'm hoping will count.
-I've carried home the groceries from work like four time in the past two weeks. Each time, that's over a mile of walking with two heavy grocery bags.
-I've been picking up the Toddler more and more, and getting down on the floor to roll around and play with him. I don't turn him down as often when he wants to be pushed in his wagon (trust me, it's a workout).
All of these thing have definitely added up. I can feel it. They may seem really small, but then I have a day like today where I dragged about 20 pounds worth of groceries over a mile in two feet of snow with a temp of less than 10 degrees, and I am freaking exhausted. And it's all by doing things I would normally do (like grocery shopping), but just doing them the "hard" way. It's kind of nice because I don't bitch as much to myself when things get hard--instead I just shrug and say, "Well, at least it's more active." I figure if I keep just pushing a little bit each day, I will eventually be doing more serious activities. Like, I want to eventually get in shape enough to bike to and from work everyday, but that will take some stamina building to get there.
Nutrition
I've been eating pretty well. I wish I could get in more vegetables right now, but seeing as I'm also trying to eat relatively seasonally too, the veggies are less than prevalent in February in Chicago. Other than that, I've had way less sugar and alcohol and caffeine than normal, and I've been feeling great. And, if I do say so myself, John and I have been freaking awesome about cooking all of our meals at home. The most processed I've had recently has been canned organic soup and organic crackers. Poverty certainly has it's pluses.
Tuning In
I was thrilled to learn that my favorite Integrated Medicine doctor has another book about general women's health. I checked it out of the library and have been reading it and trying to pay a lot more attention to my body. There's some fascinating info on how women's bodies are different at different times of their cycles, and how to pay attention to those changes and make the most of them. Like, apparently women have bursts of energy starting with when their period starts until when they ovulate, and then they become very introspective and tend to get more fatigued or moody or need more sleep until their period begins again. I'll be interested to follow my body's patterns and see if this holds true.
I still have a long way to go to train myself to tune in fully, but at least I know I won't be one of those girls on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, or whatever that show is.
Needs Improvement
I really need to be better about drinking enough water. It's tough when it gets so cold and the air turns so dry--I feel like I'm perpetually thirsty in the winter.
And there are the vegetables.
Am I Healthy?
So far so good! I've had a lot of energy this week, have been sleeping well, and have no glaring issues. All my "measurements" seem to be in good order. [Note: I would weigh in and get my true BMI, but I have a really dumb reason why I can't. See, I weigh myself in on my Wii Fit, but I can't access my Wii right now. We went to a friends house a few weeks ago to watch da Bears, and I took the remote to my tv as a toy for the Toddler for while we were there (otherwise he would want to play with all the other button-filled remotes). Great trick, unless you then forgot it there. And, then that friend goes out of town. And then that friend gets snowed out of town. ::Sigh:: Anyway, we'll be going back to his place for the Super Bowl, so I will be able to get the remote then, and then come home and weigh in to get my BMI.] Until I can get my BMI, my pants are feeling looser, and my body is taking a healthier-looking shape, so I don't really feel a huge need to weigh in.
And, I have also not gotten sick yet this winter (knock on wood, cross fingers, twirl around and spit over left shoulder)! I had a little weird bout of nausea yesterday morning, but I think it was just something I ate because it didn't come to anything. (And NO, I'm not pregnant.)
Challenge Me
There is a really cool pattern I'm starting to notice with people of my generation (I don't know what we call ourselves--Gen Y-ers? Millennials?): we are really getting into what I will call Self-Discovery Challenges.
A couple of months ago, I started to think about it because I read No Impact Man and saw the documentary. In it, the author decides to get as close as possible to having no environmental impact for a full year. He does it gradually--starting with cutting out waste, getting his wife to shop thrift only, composting, biking everywhere, getting his daughter into cloth diapers, only shopping at the farmers market, etc--and eventually for the last couple months ends up as extreme as possible with no electricity. It's a thought-provoking read, and at the end he puts up the challenge to his readers: go No Impact for X amount of time, and just see what you glean from it.
I find books, blogs, and concepts like these fascinating--they are like candy to me. They are also becoming really prevalent, and seem to appeal to my generation more than most. (I really only say that because I know my mom and dad have no interest whatsoever in this form of writing, so I really have no idea if it's generational or not. Just a hunch.)
A few years ago, I read a book called Not Buying It, where a couple decides to not buy anything new for a full year (except necessaries like food and toilet paper). One of my favorite books of all time is Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver, where she and her family decide to only eat what they could grow and buy within 100 miles for a full year. Then there are the stories and web communities of people who pledge to get out of debt or lose X pounds or go vegan or whatever. A good friend of mine is doing the "6 Items or Less" challenge, where she only wears six items of clothing for full month.
A few years ago, I read a book called Not Buying It, where a couple decides to not buy anything new for a full year (except necessaries like food and toilet paper). One of my favorite books of all time is Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver, where she and her family decide to only eat what they could grow and buy within 100 miles for a full year. Then there are the stories and web communities of people who pledge to get out of debt or lose X pounds or go vegan or whatever. A good friend of mine is doing the "6 Items or Less" challenge, where she only wears six items of clothing for full month.
I love to read about these challenges. I love seeing the good and the bad--the moments where the author hits a roadblock, shows that he is only human, questions what on earth he was thinking--and then the comes out the other end stronger and with a better sense of who he is and how he views the world. Maybe it's a little dramatized, but it hits the spot for me.
But, here's the kicker. I have never actually done a challenge--top to bottom. I read about them like a fifteen year-old boy reads porn (okay...maybe I read Jane Austen like a fifteen year-old boy reads porn, but it's a close second), and I've never taken the plunge on any of them.
Honestly, I'm kind of disappointed in myself. I'm one part chicken-shit, one part Doubting Thomas. I scared to be judged as a lunatic. And, though I enjoy these books, I've never read something that spoke so purely to me it was like a biblical revelation. I can always disagree with something. So, I'll take a piece here or there, change a little bit of my lifestyle, and then be on my way.
I feel like I'm really missing out.
I wish there was some more concrete challenge I could take up in my year of discovery--something where I could find a community of people doing the same things and discussing the same problems. Something with strict rules that shock me into a drastically new behavior. Something that would get me so far out of my comfort zone that I could have meaningful revelations. Something that gave me that feeling of accomplishment at the end. (And, honestly, it would probably be best for me if it had something to do with a job or career, but I won't be too picky.)
Honestly, I'm kind of disappointed in myself. I'm one part chicken-shit, one part Doubting Thomas. I scared to be judged as a lunatic. And, though I enjoy these books, I've never read something that spoke so purely to me it was like a biblical revelation. I can always disagree with something. So, I'll take a piece here or there, change a little bit of my lifestyle, and then be on my way.
I feel like I'm really missing out.
I wish there was some more concrete challenge I could take up in my year of discovery--something where I could find a community of people doing the same things and discussing the same problems. Something with strict rules that shock me into a drastically new behavior. Something that would get me so far out of my comfort zone that I could have meaningful revelations. Something that gave me that feeling of accomplishment at the end. (And, honestly, it would probably be best for me if it had something to do with a job or career, but I won't be too picky.)
So, it got me wondering....are there any challenges out there that can help me with my personal self-discovery? If not, could I start one? Or, is what I'm doing enough?
I feel like it's not enough.
Is this diary-blog enough?
Hmmph.
I feel like it's not enough.
Is this diary-blog enough?
Hmmph.
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